Anonyme
Anonyme a posé la question dans Pregnancy & ParentingParenting · il y a 10 ans

For those moms who refuse to let their child go to daycare, can I ask why?

I'm in no way judging you, every one has a different parenting style, no one way is right or wrong. I have a friend who refuses to send her 3 year old and 18 month old to daycare. She just says she doesn't want anyone else raising her children. I get that. However, she has to work nights so she can be home with them during the day.... but has a baby sitter come to the house from 8-1 every day while she is sleeping. Then she gets up and feeds the children, then puts them down for their 2 1/2-3 hour nap. Then wakes up in time to get them ready for dinner. Some days she has dinner made, most days she doesn't. She sends them to a mother's day out program 2 days a week from 8-2 so she can sleep and do some house work. Her house is some what dirty and she's always complaining about how dirty it is and how she never gets to clean it or do laundry. Whenever you call her during the day she's always stressed out about the kids behavior and how much housework she hasn't been able to do. She gets irritated and frustrated with her kids often and sends the older one to her room a lot.... She complains about what little time she gets with her husband and their marriage has suffered a bit from this work schedule. This is all from her telling me this, I'm not making it up or exaggerating, just telling her story.

My question is, at what point do you draw the line and send the kids to daycare? If your home life is suffering, if you don't get to spend time with your kids even when you are home, if your marriage is suffering..... all so your kids don't have to go to daycare (even though mother's day out is considered daycare).... Why would you put your family through this? It doesn't seem like anyone is benefiting from this, least of all the stressed out mom.

So, why don't you want your children to go to daycare? What is so wrong with daycare? What are your thoughts?

PS: I've tried talking to my friend and suggesting she look into daycare so she can work during the day and have her evenings free and nights to sleep and quality time with her family, but she says things are fine.

Mise à jour:

Money is NOT an issue with them, they make twice what my husband makes and I stay at home and we do just fine. Like I said, I'm not judging her, I was just sharing her story as she tells it to me. I was just curious what others thought. She would only be paying a little bit more to have them in daycare considering what she pays the babysitter and fees for mother's day out.

24 réponses

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  • Bella
    Lv 7
    il y a 10 ans
    Meilleure réponse

    Her wonderful husband should get off the pot and help out a bit. They don't need daycare, they need an equal parenting partnership.

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  • il y a 10 ans

    I think that you hit the nail on the head - some don't want others raising their children, and they feel that that's what happens when they're at daycare for most of the day. Do I think that that's what happens? Well, maybe in some cases, but in most cases no. I stay at home with my 3 kids because that's what happens to work best for our family as my husband is in the military and it's a rough life for our kids but I don't refuse to send 'em to daycare, as a matter of fact I think that it is EXTREMELY important for kids to get some form of social interaction with other kids every now and then. We do play groups but honestly, when I need a "day off" or have a doctor's appointment or something going on, they go to the fantastic daycare accross the street (she's an in-home daycare provider and there's like 8 kids there during the day I've known her since I was 5 years old as we are lucky enough to be stationed in my hometown right now) . The kids love going there, it's a change of scenery for them and gives them a chance to play with other kids. I think that some parents just really have a hard time with it for their own reasons whatever they may be and I'm not going to criticize either way either! lol! I hope this foggy interpretation of my thoughts was somewhat helpful! God bless!

    Source(s) : stay at home mommy to 3 girls!
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  • il y a 10 ans

    She must be a nurse. I worked 2nd and 3rd and had only been a nurse for 2 years when I had my daughter. I didn't have the choice of jobs for day shift at that time and did what I had to do. I had experienced bad daycare when I was little. Every time the kids went down for naps the workers walked around with fly swats spanking any child that had their eyes opened or just moved. My mom sent me in to snoop because my little sister went every day and she had started spanking her dolls with fly swats and being aggressive to them. She was 2 and I was 10. This was a huge well known daycare in town. And it was someone we knew that owned it, we were shocked. I wouldn't trust hardly anyone with taking care of my children if I had small children now. Especially, girls. Trust me I can tell you some stories and I am sure that their are more of you out there that know of someone that something has happened or you have heard something about someone you know that has had some kind of experience. I worked second shift most of the time and it was so I wouldn't have to put her in daycare. I know there are alot of good daycares out there and when my daughter was about 3 I did put her in one for a few years but I had to try a few different ones until I found one that worked for us and that cared that she cried when I left. These ladies held her and comforted her and the other daycares just sat her down and let her cry. I know because I would go back in a little later and check. It is hard working and raising a family and no we aren't all fortunate to get to stay at home and raise our children but we love them and do the best we all can without too much judgement on whatever decisions we make. Be her friend instead of posting her life on yahoo because you are tired of hearing it. By the way do you have children? Your friend thinks her kids are better at home because they are closer to her while she sleeps if anything was to happen. Although, she may benefit from a daycare if she can find one she trust. By the way where is the father in all of this I may have missed that in the story. Sounds like she is doing all the work.

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  • I don;t want my daughter in day care because I feel that she gets much better care, stimulation and more playtime with me. I do however go to mom's mornings 3 times a week so she can get interaction with other kids.

    As for your friend I would NOT let me family life deteriorate to such a point. My husband and I believe that we need adult time and when do you find this when you work nights and look after kids all day? As far as I am concerned this is a good time to look at daycare options. Surely if she can afford a babysitter everyday for 5 hours she can look into a permanent carer if she is so anti-daycare?

    Honestly to answer your question, I would rather put my children in daycare than risk splitting the family.

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  • il y a 10 ans

    I was home with my newborn the 6 weeks while I was out untill I had to go back to school. Our district has a free daycare for the moms that go to school. I checked out the place and to me, the place wasn't somewhere Id want to leave my baby. I was scared and I didn't want anybody else taking care of him while I wasn't around. But I wasn't going to pay 200 bucks a week or month for daycare somewhere else, so the free daycare was the only option. The first day was hard, I dropped him off before going to school and I cried! Second day, I cried too! Because he was still little and tiny. I got used to the place and today I have no problem taking him. The people are great. They call if anything happens. And actually my boyfriend/baby daddy's aunt works there! So keeps an eye out which is great. Im glad he is in daycare because he gets to be around other kids, so when he gets older, he won't be in a shell and shy around other kids. Your friend should really put her kids in daycare, it will be hard the first few days, but she will love it. Her kids need to get out and be around other little kids.

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  • il y a 10 ans

    I dislike daycares, but my husband and I work, so I looked for a preschool and my son goes there.. It's only 4hrs a day, which is fine because I work part time, but if I didn't, I'd leave him there since they have daycare after the 'school' hours.

    I love the school I chose for my son, I get it when people think daycares suck, (most do) but if you look around you can find one you love & your kid loves..

    If it's making her unhappy and it's a struggle she's being silly & stubborn.. In the end, someone else IS raising her children, just not in a daycare, lol.

    **I just need to add that I was very nervous about preschool for such a young boy, but he absolutely LOVES it!!! He's so happy there, he is right now on spring break and every morning he asks if he's going to school yet, lmao.. He really misses it... Thankfully on Monday he'll go back to where he loves to learn & spend his mornings :) Best decision ever.

    Source(s) : mom to 2yo
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  • KS
    Lv 7
    il y a 10 ans

    I honestly can't understand in your friend's situation why she is so against daycare. If I was running myself into the ground like that, unhappy most of the time, and wrecking my marriage...I'd consider all options.

    I personally don't put my son in day care for several reasons.

    1. We are able to live comfortably on one income (yes, we have to budget, but we do fine.)

    2. I enjoy staying home taking care of my son. I do not enjoy jobs.

    3. I was never in daycare as a child and I really felt that was the best thing for *me* (I'm not saying for kids in general or saying daycare isn't good...I just really loved having a stay at home parent.)

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  • Kris H
    Lv 6
    il y a 10 ans

    I don't send my son to daycare, because daycare centers in my town are horrible. My sister worked at 2 daycares here and one had cameras so an older lady that worked there would take the kids in the bathroom to spank them, and at another one the owner of the daycare told the other workers if a child misbehaved to pinch them under their arms or pull their hair. I know not all daycare centers are like that, but I don't want to take the chance of someone hurting my child when he is not old enough to take care of himself, or tell me what is going on.

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  • il y a 10 ans

    I was once just as convinced as she is, skip ahead 20+ years, and my neighbors ask me to keep a watch of their 2 year old at daycare on video. They wanted to make sure everything was OK and could not watch at work. So I did. What an eye opener! There were 3 ladies caring for about 12 toddlers. They had a ball, the whole room was theirs with stairs to climb, a playhouse-all kinds of fun things with no "no-no's". They had story time, lunch time, nap time. On rainy days I could see the indoor exercise room with all soft padded climbers,etc. They could play alone or with others. At home, he would have been lonely, without half the fun. I completely changed my mind-I cannot believe the difference between my original thought to a happy reality.

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  • il y a 10 ans

    My mother in law watches my daughter. I do not trust daycares. Those are people I do not know and I would never trust a stranger with my toddler. I have heard to many stories about daycare providers hitting, sexually abusing, drugging, or verbally abusing the kids they watch. No one is there to stop them! My grandmother used to own a daycare and my child went there but now that she is retired unless it is someone I know there is no way. I just wouldnt take the chance with my baby.

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