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Is my son really gay or attention seeking?
My son is fourteen. Over the last few months he has been a real nightmare, moody, sulky and uncooperative. He told us that he didn't believe in God and even worse never has. He is disrespectful and sarcastic and disciplining has no effect on him but to make him act worse.
He told us he had a boyfriend who was in his thirties. He even showed "evidence". But not enough for me to know who this person is and put them in prison.
He has told me he's going to move out when he reaches 16 to be with this man. (We live in the UK). I do think he told us this to upset myself and his mother. We are Christians, we believe strongly that homosexuality is a sin. This was no teary confession, he was proud to admit, almost angry.
My wife is so upset about this, she doesn't want us to ask for help from our pastor or really let anyone in our circle know. She won't even speak about it and its all left on me to resolve. We have an older son who has never acted like this and a younger one I really don't want influenced by his behaviour.
I'm really not sure what is wrong with him but I would like to know if he is really gay.
- Anonymeil y a 1 décennieRéponse favorite
Proud, angry defiance sounds like a pretty normal way to come out to people who have told you that your way of life is a sin and unnatural. I really don't understand homosexual people who would want to believe in the Christian God anyway. It says in the bible that homosexual people are going to hell. So, it also makes sense that he would reject your God. I would say he is telling the truth. Since he is still a minor and he has given your plenty of reasons to do so, search his room. Normally I am totally against that, but you need to protect your son from a predator, which is what a 30 year old having sex with a 14 year old is. Search his phone, search his computer, search his dresser and find out who this man is. Then have him arrested. Then even if you don't agree with your son's sexuality, you need to let him know that you still love him and you'll support him. Explain to him all the reasons why going out with someone 30 years old is a bad idea and that it has nothing to do with his sexuality. You would have done that same if it was a 30 year old woman.
To answer your question, I think your son is gay.
- Anna ScottLv 4il y a 1 décennie
This must be a very painful situation. As you already imply in your question, it really does not help to try and hide your son's coming out from other people, especially not people who could otherwise help and support you. Apart from your friends and pastor, I think it might be helpful for you to talk to other parents whose children identify as gay. First of all, this will help you to put your son's comments into perspective. Other parents might be able to share your concerns about this, and give you more advise about how to deal with your son's relationship to a man so much older. Also, perhaps read some books about homosexuality. There are some good books that will help answer the questions you undoubtedly have. One of these concerns is that your other children might be "influenced" by this behaviour. This is very unlikely. There is really a lot of evidence that no one can be "made gay."
Secondly, you must do what you can do heal your relationship with your son. He needs you more than ever right now, but in order to reach out to him you will need to show him you accept who he is, even if you do not agree with the things he does. You cannot help him unless he feels you still love and respect him as your son. If you find it difficult to do this, get the help you need, for you and for your son.Source(s) : I have close contact with a Christian family who learnt to accept their daughter's relationship to a woman. They did not have to change their Christian views, but they learnt to separate this from their love for their daughter.
- Anonymeil y a 1 décennie
You seem more concerned that your son's "partner" is male, rather than a paedophile 30 year old praying on a 14 year old boy. He's being molested by this man (as he would be if he were having a sexual relationship with a woman of that age). This is the bigger issue and the one that YOU, as a parent, need to sort out.
So what if he's gay? We live in 2009, not 1809. If you believe God created us all, then surely God created your son, gay or otherwise?
Be proud of the son you have rather than the one you think you should have. otherwise you'll lose him, cos if he is gay you will not "turn" him straight, and nor should you- he has the right to be who he is.
- il y a 5 ans
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- il y a 5 ans
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- il y a 1 décennie
He could be. The average age gay people realise they're gay is about 11, so he's not too young.
When he told you, was it after an argument, was there ay reason that he'd have wanted to upset you? If it was in the middle of a conflict, it could well have been a rebellious gesture.
Meanwhile, try not to worry too much about it, or at least not to show it. If he's doing it for attention, your worrying will encourage him to continue. If he really is gay, you worrying will affect his self esteem etc.
- Anonymeil y a 1 décennie
If he's saying he is gay, for now you have to believe this to be true and seriously support him. He's probably angry and acting out because he knows that you won't approve because you've already said it's a sin in your religious eyes. Sometimes you have to push religion aside and consider your children and why you love them. If you show him you accept him for who he is, he might change his angry ways. Then you will also eventually see if he's really gay, or if he's just saying so to make you angry. And if he is, I don't care what your religious beliefs are, you need to support him. Religion and beliefs can be helpful to your life, but losing your son because your beliefs are more important is just devastating.
- il y a 1 décennie
Maybe so...but it sounds more to me like he's just being rebellious. I know it can be really hard esp. with a kid at that age because discipline wont always work. You have to get to their heart, and that is a hard thing to do. I'm a Christian as well and I guess all I can suggest is constant and fervent prayer. Prayer is our most powerful tool, and while your son still has free will and you cant MAKE him change, God is there to help you through this. I think you should talk to your wife about this too. I understand its a very hard thing to be going through but not talking about it is def. in no way going to help. Talk about it and pray with her about it....talk to your son if you can, pray with him if you can. I am sorry about this....I'll be praying for yall!
- AmyVLv 6il y a 1 décennie
Maybe your son has been moody and uncooperative because he knew that you would be upset with him.
If he is gay, then he is still your son. It's not like he's suddenly changed into a new person. I do think that the age gap between him and the other man is too large though.
- il y a 1 décennie
I see two problems here. One is the fact you have a 14 year old son dating a 30 year old.
Second, If he is gay YOU and your wife will have to see past this and except him for him. Religion wont change the fact that he is gay. As "Christians" you should be opening your heart to him. PERIOD.