Anonyme
Anonyme a posé la question dans Pregnancy & ParentingParenting · il y a 1 décennie

Why do so many parents refuse to be honest about how horribly stressful it is to raise children?

Is it widely known that research has demonstrated that marital quality declines after children come and that parents of some types of children develop depressive disorders?

It seems to me that Americans are not having fully honest conversations about the experience of parenting. It can be horrible sometimes, and people should stop looking at parenting as a default life choice; you don't HAVE to have kids anymore.

Mise à jour:

How many of the bleary-eyed optimists are raising a kid with oppositional-defiant disorder?

And how often do prospective parents take into account that in spite of all the effort, their little angel could grow up to be--not just a defiant little brat--but a violent criminal. Most kids certainly don't turn out that way, but remember that every serial killer was a cute kid once.

24 réponses

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  • il y a 1 décennie
    Meilleure réponse

    I agree with you. I have a daughter and sometimes I get so stressed out I just want to turn and run out the door.

    I am honest with my husband about how I feel. I always try to talk to him and let him know that I'm feeling overwhelmed.

    Parenting is a JOB. I think some people just think it is supposed to be a piece of cake, that's not true. The old saying, "Parenting is the hardest job in the world" is true.

    I also agree with you, if a person doesn't feel that they are capable of handling children, then they should not have children. I think most people just think you are supposed to have children, nothing could be more off base.

    I love my daughter more than life itself, but I'll be the first to tell anyone, it is not easy raising a child.

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  • il y a 4 ans

    For 35 years I have worked in the food/hospitality business and have great success and satisfaction. I also raised two boys by myself and cannot begin to tell you how many rewards I have reaped from that. There is no way to compare the rearing of a child and the great satisfaction I received from that to the rewards I received from work. Rewards from work: Money (wages, bonuses, insurance, 401K, retirement, travel) Respect (co-workers, employers, clients) Prestige (awards, certificates, sharing my expertise) Rewards from raising my kids Love Honor Respect Shared joy Education (amazing how much kids can teach you) Experience The MOMENTS- perhaps this is the most rewarding of all. The firsts-- smile, step, tooth,laugh,word all the firsts were fun, exciting and scary. Also included here are the first day school, away camp, sporting event they played in, girlfriend, graduation(there are many), This list goes on and on. Then when they were older and putting their own lives together there came that moment that I was not only their Mother but I became their Friend. There is that constant connection with a child that you will never have with a job. I can give up jobs and positions with ease. I will never give up my children. I've parachuted, para sailed, written training manuals that are still in place at 22 restaurants in Florida, I've traveled and had great times but The Boys always came first. The sharing of lives has been the most rewarding and wonderful thing ever.

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  • il y a 1 décennie

    It is stressful to be a parent and it's not easy, but it's all well worth it. No one told me I "had" to have kids, I wanted children because I wanted too. I was told it was difficult, but that didn't stop me, it was a personal choice that I'm very happy with, I can't imagine my life with my "stress" causing children, they mean the world to me, they are my joy, my everything.

    I don't think children bring marriages down, adults do that to themselves they are the ones to allow it, but the easiest person to blame it on is the kids. Children don't cause depression, it's just easier to blame it on the kids as well. Everyday life, whether someone has children or not, is full of stress, traffic causes stress, work causes stress, being on hold on the phone causes stress, making a long line causes stress, going to the bank causes stress, let's blame children for that too, it's their fault, without them probably all those stress factors wouldn't exist.

    Was your mother forced to have you? Do regret the fact you came into the world? Do you wish your mother would have said, I don't want the stress of a child, let me not have my daughter.

    By the way not all children turn out to be serial killers! What's your problem? Word of advice, don't have children, please! If you don't want to deal with the "problems" having children brings, just don't have them, no one is holding you at gun point forcing you to have children.

    While you're young, you might enjoy being young, traveling with your significant other, spending time together, but when you get older, and have no energy left, and your partner leaves this earth, guess what, you'll be left all alone, then you'll be wishing you would have had that stressful, depressing life with children of your own.

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  • ?
    Lv 4
    il y a 1 décennie

    Sorry to inform you but it is not HORRIBLE to raise children. It is stressful at times but hey that comes with being a parents. And just because you can't hack it as a parent doesn't mean that other parents can't handle it either. If it was "horribly" stressful for parents then you nor I would be here. Think about that one. The only reason its so stressful is because guess what..we parents that give a rats behind about our kids actually have to think about them first...that can be stressful because we are trying so hard to raise them right and make them good citizens...and for the parents that don't take that time to do so..are selfish loser and do not deserve kids. I would NEVER trade my stress as a parent to be a single person with only myself to worry about..I love my children way too much for that..I LOVE the stress of being a parent because each day it makes me a stronger person all around. I see through my children each day that I make a difference for someone else(and not worrying about me first)and that makes me feel great..They are my babies and when I agreed to have kids, I agreed to all that comes with it..the good and the bad....but then again..there really isn't that much bad...I love my babies!!

    Source(s) : 26 year old mother of 5 year old and 8 month old
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  • il y a 1 décennie

    It is stressful to be a parent. And, I don't think that the majority of people deny that completely.

    All kinds of lifestyle choices that we make are stressful, though. If you lived your life without challenging yourself, you'd have a pretty boring life, though.

    I agree with you on a very basic level, though - I think that people need to think carefully about whatever choices they make in their lives & choose wisely for themselves.

    But, then, once the choice is made, I think that a lot of us believe in the 'no whining' way of living. We look at it like, "Well, this is where I am, this is what I've decided, it may be stressful now, but I'm going to concentrate on how I'm going to deal with it, instead of whining because it's harder than I thought it would be". That could be why many people just keep on going, despite the chaos.

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  • il y a 1 décennie

    I'm a single mom of 1 and yes it can be stressful. But guess what most of the stress doesn't come from the kid it comes from all the people that must be involved. Babysitters, doctors, den leaders, teachers. The stress of having kids doesn't relate directly to the child but to having to deal with other adults to get things done. For example: taking my son to the Dr is not stressfull---sitting on hold for 10 min to make 1 appt b/c the secretary put me on hold and forgot me is. See the point?

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  • il y a 1 décennie

    There are a lot of reasons, actually.

    Some people don't want to complain because it would hurt their kids if it ever got back to them.

    For some people, the children are worth the stress.

    Some people who already have kids pressure others into having them because it validates their own choices to have everyone choose the same way.

    A healthy marriage will survive children, and produces another shared bond which may improve the marriage over the long haul. An unhealthy marriage may not survive, and probably won't get any better.

    I think our society also makes having children stressful; we push them into adult things before they are ready and we don't provide much help to parents.

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  • il y a 1 décennie

    I really don't think it's horrible but it's not easy at times. I only have one child at this point in my life and I look around at people with 3 or more kids and don't know how they do it. We personally only want two kids max and in the mean time are being responsible not to have another because we aren't ready just yet. Everybody is different....I have a family member who kept having them when she couldn't take care of one. And now she's on #7. Long story but makes me sick!

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  • Anonyme
    il y a 1 décennie

    Because, my dear, although its "horribly stressful" to raise children, there's no other joy like parenting little angels... Its all worth the effort at the end of the day!! Yeah, it certainly hurts when the same angels grow up to be devils and don't care bout the same parents who gave em their heart and soul! But not all children are like that! And i dont think its a "HAVE to have kids" situation for the parents... Every couple wants a complete life by having a fruit out of their relationship! ;) right???

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  • Anonyme
    il y a 1 décennie

    Well, no, you don't have to have kids anymore, but we might notice a drastic decline in the human population if we all stopped having kids today - like zero population in about 100 yrs or so.

    Clearly you don't have kids, or you'd know that all of that stress, etc is far outweighed by the benefits. No one said it wasn't hard. If it was as horrible as you think, no one would have more than one kid, either.

    It's worth the work. Very worth it.

    Source(s) : #3 due in Dec - I'm up to my neck in the frenzy and stress - and wouldn't trade it for anything
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